How to Help Children Cope After Shootings Like the San Diego Mosque Killings

Approximately 140 children in preschool through 3rd grade were present in their classrooms at the Islamic Center of San Diego when two teenage gunmen fatally shot three individuals.

The victims were well-known members of both the mosque and the community. Law enforcement credits their prompt response in calling 911, securing the facility, and confronting the assailants with helping to ensure the safety of the students. According to the San Diego police chief, the assailants came perilously close — within 15 feet — of accessing the classrooms. The perpetrators, reportedly influenced by white supremacist ideology, ultimately died from self-inflicted gunshot wounds.

As communities endure the aftermath of such violence, the repercussions extend far beyond those directly injured or killed. Research and healthcare experts indicate that both adult and child witnesses of the shooting, as well as those mourning the loss of the victims, are particularly vulnerable to experiencing mental health challenges soon after the incident.

Symptoms to Look for in Children

Children are particularly susceptible to the effects of traumatic events, especially based on their proximity to the incident.

"Individuals who were actually in the buildings and who were directly exposed, those are the individuals that we're most concerned about," states psychologist Julie Kaplow, executive vice president for Trauma and Grief Programs and Policy at the Meadows Mental Health Policy Institute in Texas. "Proximity to such an event is one of the strongest predictors of post-traumatic stress."

Individuals may encounter what are known as "acute stress reactions," according to Kaplow, which are common in the weeks following a shooting. Symptoms can include feelings that the event is recurring, flashbacks, nightmares, and avoidance behaviors, such as refraining from discussing the event or thinking about what transpired.

Children might also experience nightmares and flashbacks, often exhibiting symptoms through their behaviors.

"Behaviors that we observe in younger children include excessive clinginess, such as reluctance to separate from caregivers or other trusted adults," explains Kaplow. "Irritability and behavioral regressions are also common."

For instance, a child who was previously potty trained may begin having accidents, or a child accustomed to sleeping alone may develop fears about doing so.

Children Nearby May Be Affected, Too

Children in the wider community who did not witness the shooting may still experience difficulty coping. A 2023 study conducted by the Children's Hospital of Philadelphia found that children within a five-block radius of a shooting were more likely to visit hospital emergency rooms within weeks of the incident, presenting symptoms of anxiety and suicidal thoughts.

Those with a history of trauma are at an even higher risk of experiencing anxiety and other issues. "This type of incident can trigger traumatic memories for individuals previously affected by mass shootings or other forms of violence, or for those who have experienced general loss," states Kaplow.

Identifying struggling children and connecting them with mental health resources is crucial, Kaplow urges. "A positive aspect of such tragic community events is that often behavioral health providers come together to offer immediate care to those affected," she notes, particularly families impacted by the violence.

The Lucine Center for Grief and Trauma is another vital resource for children, as it offers teletherapy to those who have undergone various types of trauma or suffered the loss of a loved one.

How to Buffer the Trauma

Parents and caregivers play a crucial role in helping children navigate trauma by fostering a renewed sense of safety, states Dr. Vera Feuer, a child and adolescent psychiatrist and chief clinical officer at the Child Mind Institute in New York.

"While it may not be possible to provide a complete sense of physical safety, it's essential to establish a sense of psychological safety," says Feuer. "Children should feel that when they are frightened or struggling, they can turn to us for support."

Keep Communication Open

"As caring adults, we often hesitate to discuss traumatic events with children, fearing we may exacerbate their anxiety," remarks Kaplow.

However, both Feuer and Kaplow emphasize the importance of open communication.

"Children may have concerns and questions," explains Feuer. "It's vital to establish an environment where they feel comfortable approaching an adult with their thoughts, fears, and uncertainties."

Parents might initiate the conversation by saying something like, "'I know that this very scary, tragic event occurred,'" suggests Kaplow. "'What questions or concerns do you have for me? What have you been thinking about it?'"

This approach allows the child to feel a sense of "control over the conversation," enabling them to express their thoughts and ask questions, thereby directly addressing their concerns.

Calibrate How Much Information You Share

"Sometimes caregivers may provide excessive information that could feel overwhelming," warns Kaplow. Conversely, sharing too little might imply that the topic is not appropriate for open discussion.

It's vital to tailor the information according to the child's age, says Feuer.

She also recommends asking the child what they believe transpired. "It's essential to gauge their understanding so you can address any misconceptions. Provide accurate information and check if they have questions that you can clarify in an age-appropriate manner."

If a child did not witness the violence or its consequences, avoid providing any distressing details that are unnecessary, emphasizes Feuer.

Focus on Safeguarding Actions That Can Be Taken

After experiencing or hearing about a violent incident, parents often reassure their children by stating, "We live in a safe neighborhood. This won't happen to us," comments Feuer. Unfortunately, such responses may ultimately undermine trust.

Instead, she recommends discussing specific actions the family can take to ensure safety. This approach teaches children to concentrate on what they can control, which is essential during times when they may feel helpless and anxious.

"Feelings of chaos and an inability to control events can generate significant anxiety and erode the sense of safety," Feuer explains.

Practice Techniques to Stay Calm

Trauma and stress can create turmoil in the brain, heightening fear and anxiety, according to Feuer.

Therefore, it is essential to equip children with tools to help their minds rest and recover, facilitating a sense of calm. Rest is crucial, as are strategies that can redirect focus from unpleasant feelings.

Grounding techniques are especially effective in alleviating anxiety.

One practical grounding exercise involves utilizing the five senses: identifying five things you can see, four things you can touch, three sounds you can hear, two scents you can identify, and one taste you can savor.

Other potential strategies include deep breathing, taking a walk, or listening to music. Assist your child in discovering what methods work best for them and model these practices yourself. Engaging in these activities together as a family can also be beneficial.

Put On Your Own Oxygen Mask First

The analogy of a parent putting on their oxygen mask first during an airplane emergency is frequently mentioned for good reason, notes Feuer. Parents cannot fully assist their children if they themselves are struggling.

She advises parents to recognize and address their own reactions to the trauma resulting from an incident, such as the one in San Diego, and to take steps to manage their feelings effectively.

"Processing emotions, sharing experiences, and connecting with others are vital components of reestablishing a sense of control and safety in the wake of trauma," she recommends.